you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
