i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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