Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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