Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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