Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
