I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
