i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The beer is more important than you right now.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
