Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
