So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
