Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
