My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
