hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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