i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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