I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
