I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
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