and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
