forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
