the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Someone signed my nipple.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
