I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
