My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
