I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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