if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
