i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
