hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
