the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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