I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
