at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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