You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he was CRYING into my vagina
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
