dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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