Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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