I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
