You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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