i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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