her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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