I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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