i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize