you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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