I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
