we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
