Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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