Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
