I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
