too bad you live with your parents still
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
