i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
