Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
