I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I wear drunk well.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
