$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
