i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
