What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Your cock deserves a montage
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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