nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
