But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
