DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
