Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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