i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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