did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
