Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
