I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
