I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
