I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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