She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
