I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
