the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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