the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
