Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
