So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
