My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
