This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
