Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
