we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Randomize
