That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
