Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
