im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize