when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
