She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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