I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
