i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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