I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
